Lies Your Father Taught You

30 Jan

 Yes, your father lied to you.

As the first man you ever loved, each time he held you and told you that you were perfect he was guilty of lying: a crime that most fathers unwittingly commit.

Whenever a father tells his little girl that he loves her and that she’s perfect just the way she is, he’s teaching her the biggest lie.

You’re taught unconditional love by your father. He loves you as you are from the moment you are born.

Then we grow up to believe that the man of our dreams will love us the same way our fathers did — unconditionally.

Yet another lie learned, because as adults we know that love is conditional.

Our fathers taught us we were special: that we deserve to be treated special and that we’ll always be special in their eyes.

Not necessarily in the eyes of the men in our lives, however, as our “specialness” may wan over time if we don’t continue to live up to those conditions.

A father always puts your happiness and wellbeing above his own. So, we believe our mates will do the same.

They don’t always.

Your father’s love lasts a lifetime. U. S. divorce rates show that a husband’s may not.

Fathers praise their female offspring’s accomplishments.

If a spouse or significant other harbors insecurities, they may not.

Fathers will oftentimes put their girls on pedestals, regardless of their flaws.

Yet, the men in your life could find your flaws difficult to overlook.

Your father will tell you that you’re beautiful.

A perpetual lie that’s often told to adolescent girls in the tween stages.

We all have long since learned the truth that stares back at us in (full-length) mirrors.

Nevertheless, these are some of the lies taught to daughters by their fathers.

We were taught these lies unknowingly. Our fathers never meant to teach them to us.

Yet, we learned them anyway.


Are We Too Busy to Think?

19 Dec

thCATPJ78O@Recovery_Tools Absolutely! Sage advice. Always value & use yr own judgement, be guided by @CommonSense & yr moral compass.
– (@Theauntsavant) December 11, 2013

Contemplation is Lost in Contemporary Thinking!

To think things through requires time we no longer afford ourselves in a time-crunched, speed-obsessed culture.

And as result, the practice of contemplating has gotten lost as a mode of modern thinking because we don’t utilize it enough in our everyday thought processes.

I’ve become a critical thinker (out of necessity) and learned to put my analytical mind to use when I want to get at what’s beneath the surface of what others think. To the annoyance of some, it can at times make for awkward moments.

I’m sort of a mental code cracker in a sense, not of the enigmatic tangible types in newspapers, so much. But in getting at the gist of how (and when) opinions, belief systems and thought patterns are generally formed.

It could be the underlying reason I chose to major in journalism. That, as well as winning an essay contest in the fifth grade for a short commentary I titled: “Death and Dying: And Fear of the Unknown.” Go figure? I was 10!

Nonetheless, the brain has long fascinated me, as you can see. Writer/creator Rod Serling could probably be credited with having a hand in shaping my adult inquisitiveness, as I watched the Twilight Zone religiously when I was a kid. Not in its original form, mind you, but in reruns that at the time were shown late nights weekdays on channel 11.

Ahhh…I remember it well. I’d be up long after everyone else had gone off to bed, lying on the living room sofa, riveted to the television screen, and engrossed by whatever psychological wonder Rod had conjured up. I enjoyed them all, and still do. He was pure genius incarnate, and certainly ahead of his time.

As he did, one has to go beyond the obvious to contemplate, in order to see what isn’t so obvious. Often we already have the answers we seek within our own minds that need only to be drawn out.


Introspective reflection and contemplation helps us to know ourselves better.


Lighten Up! It’s Not that Serious

2 Oct

Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors
by Bill Cosby and Alvin Poussaint

To reference Bill Cosby’s 2007 book, “Come on, People.”

To which I’ll add: Listen Up! People. Stop taking everything so seriously. Really.

Think about it? Many of the things that upset or stress us on any given day are probably not as serious as they seem.

We shouldn’t “sweat the small stuff,” as a matter of conscientious practice. A lot of people are either looking for a fight, argument or altercation, or expect one,  a majority of the time. Here’s a for instance:

As I was standing (in one of the multiple lines) in a local McDonald’s early one evening to get a cup of coffee, the woman in front of me stood to one side and motioned me to go ahead of her. She’d already ordered. But as I was about to step up to the counter, a man, whom I guess was with his wife, moved to the register before I got to it. I just glanced at the lady waiting for her food with a slight frown, and shrugged. “Oh well.”

The man then paused suddenly, slid back over to where he had been, threw up his hands and laughingly said, “I don’t want no trouble.” Naturally,  I took grave offense to that remark, especially since it was unprovoked—and unwarranted. Maybe the comment was in reaction to me wearing my sunglasses indoors? I don’t know. If so, that’s my choice. Did I appear menacing in my camouflage jacket? I thought it showed patriotism. It wasn’t as if I had on a biker jacket emblazoned with a skull & crossbones, a bandanna and a “badass” attitude to match. And I wasn’t a random black male with a “hoodie” on. No, that couldn’t have been it. The man was African-American. But that’s a whole other issue.

The point is I felt this stranger was attempting to assail my character. I felt compelled to respond. So I turned to him, lowered my shades nose height, and simply replied, “There’s no trouble,” and added that I hadn’t said a word to him. “It’s not that serious,” I repeated, as I ordered my medium coffee with cream, two Splendas and two sugars to go.

The take-away here, I believe, is that we should all make a concerted effort to:

1)      withhold silly presumptions about people we don’t know

2)      try to give people the benefit of the doubt

3)      not always expect the worst-case scenario and above all

4)      Come on people. Lighten up! For God’s sake.

Life is too short to go through it angry.

Besides, bear in mind that it takes more facial muscles to form a scowl than a smile. Yeah.

Younger people will appreciate this when the lines, wrinkles, etc., start to appear.


My Fashion Day: An Outsider’s Partial View “Inside” Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week!

16 Sep Badgley Mischka Spring 2014

Mercedes-Benz Fashioin Week

DKNY – Fall 2013

To say I got a view inside might be…a bit misleading. What I actually got was a partial peek into its exclusive enclave on day four of the mega eight-day (Sept. 5-12, 2013),  bi-annual Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week!  In addition to the trek further uptown, the fashion show of shows has amazingly transformed its relatively new digs at the world-renowned Lincoln Center cultural arts venue. Tents had to be pitched to house the runway shows in the more humble, smaller scaled Bryant Park locale that formerly served as its longtime home in Midtown Manhattan.

My way “in” to the swanky set-up for the fashion forward crowd viewing the Spring 2014 collections of top designers, was by sheer luck. A well-connected associate/friend simply asked “would you like to go in? I have a pass.” To which I anxiously replied to his question with the question: “Can I?” And just like that I was inside Fashion Week for a day! Well, for a couple of hours, anyway, I was among the well attired in their fashionable best on a sunny, Sunday afternoon.

Although I wasn’t fully prepared to mix ‘n’ mingle with “the beautiful people,” the slender statuesque females and meticulously tailored male attendees, whom I of course, naively mistook for models. What else? But I was dully informed by wardrobe stylist Pia Malastesta, whom I briefly chatted up—that many or most of those in attendance—were either fashion editors, bloggers, buyers, photographers, fellow stylists or in some way connected to the business side of the industry. So, after slowly surveying the surroundings, I partook of the unlimited complimentary branded “Little Pink Dress” cocktails being served up in wide rimmed, pink glasses; tried the Lifeway frozen natural fruit popsicles conveniently available for the taking in a glass slide top freezer, and the endless supply of Smart water in bins strategically placed throughout the room. My friend joined the group over at the Samsung Galaxy booth to get his mobile phone cover customized. Yes, for free!

Although it might not sound too glamorous being on the sidelines outside, since it’s not exactly the front lines—as in getting past the gatekeepers to the viewing rooms where you could see the real action going on: the designers showing their lines. But it was good enough, especially when the only way in is to be somebody, know somebody or to be invited by somebody. I guess my friend fit the latter two; he got in! The closest the rest of “us” ever get to upscale “fashion” are those televised celebrity red carpet arrivals to A-list Hollywood events, where the question posed is always: “Who are you wearing?” Not what’re you wearing?

Nevertheless, I, along with others like me swarming about the lobby and exhibition areas just happy to be at the popular fashion event, made the most of it. I watched several of the shows being aired on flat panel screens mounted around the elaborately decorated space and worked the room as best I could on an impromptu invitation. There were others there too, unlike myself, who wanted to be seen and maybe photographed. And a lot of them were.

The line out front resembled the ones outside exclusive nightclubs where only suitably dressed patrons are handpicked and allowed beyond the velvet rope, and the rest are left behind. There were a few who noticeably didn’t quite make the cut. I even saw a woman wearing a pair of the same casual low-heeled boots I have, and thought “I would’ve never worn those to Fashion Week.” I don’t know if Pia would agree, however she does believe it’s all about the shoes! You can judge for yourselves. Check out her coverage at:

Oh, there was a missed Paris Hilton sighting on my part; I didn’t see her traipsing by because I was over at the cocktail bar. And then there was a near Kanye West sighting, which it turned out was only a Kanye look-a-like. I did get an upclose view of Rachel Zoe outside, though, giving regular folks the thrill of being photographed with a real reality fashion star.

Sherry Howard

One Story at a Time


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